The Wolf That Fell in love With the Halla
by Melody-LongWolf
Summary: Solas can't sleep, so he goes to the library at Skyhold. Lavellan can't face her dreams, so she sits in the library, the closest she's willing to get to the elven apostate now. What will happen when they end up having to face each other and their feelings? Set after Solas leaves Lavellan in the forest but before the battle with Corypheus. Possible prelude for a story later to come.


**A/N So, obviously (and very sadly), I do not own Dragon Age or anything pertaining to it. I do however own the pieces of this heart Bioware made sure to break when they created Solas's romance (I mean come on. First Fenris after the first time you spend the night together and now basically Solas being like elf Lucifer* or something!). So, in light of that breaking heart, I have decided to write a little one-shot to get my feels out. I set it before fighting Corypheus but after Solas leaves you in the forest. I may possibly write longer fanfic of another world for Solavellan. In which, this story could be a prelude of sorts. But until then enjoy. Also, I shall include meaning for all the elvish spoken in this story at the end. **

***I mean no religious offense (or any offense for that matter) for my comparison. It just seems easier for me to explain him that way in my mind.**

He padded through the large circular room lined with shelves full of books. The moon had risen high, illuminating his path though there were still many shadows untouched by the soft light. It was in one such shadow that he saw _her_. She sat in the large red chair facing the only window in the room. Her back was towards him and the chair was angled so she could stare blankly at the night sky without being seen from outside. She was hunched to the side of the chair, attempting to stick to the shadows as best as possible. It seemed almost as if she were hiding from someone. Then he realized she could only be hiding from one person- from_ him_.

His chest throbbed with the familiar agony he felt every moment he couldn't distract himself from it. It was the very reason he was in the library at such an unseemly hour. Reading helped distract him; helped take his mind from the woman who possessed it. Though it did not help much except to dull the ache that remained ever-present. He had even attempted creating small paintings to busy himself, but they were always picturing of her. There was a time when he used to be able to escape into the Fade for such distractions. Now instead of worlds full of stories, there was only _her_ in his dreams. He tried to think and do anything to keep his mind from the events that had transpired between them, but it was she who possessed his thoughts and dreams. And she was always there.

She sat there barely hidden in the shadows. The very reason his chest ached, sleep eluded him, and his stomach always felt full though he was rarely able to finish even the smallest of meals. No. That was wrong. _He_ was the reason for all those things. _He_ had done this to them both. _He_ had taken the markings – the vallaslin – from her face, what she believed to be a proud symbol of her heritage and left her alone in that forest all those weeks ago. He had thought by now she would be over it- over him; for what was he but a single fish among the sea of men all vying for her heart. Yet, here she sat alone, seeming as if she had no better luck than he in the ways of sleep, and as beautiful as ever.

Her ashen-white hair hung loosely just below her shoulder blades, her simple clothing amplified her every curve and angle. Her high cheekbones, sharp jaw, slightly pointed nose, full lips, and blue-green eyes framed with long full lashes radiated her beauty even from the dark, odd angle he now gazed upon her from. She was easily the most beautiful creature he had ever laid eyes on with an equally beautiful spirit to match. If only this world had been different, then maybe he could have stayed with her. If only he hadn't made that mistake all those years ago. If only he didn't have to fix it now.

A soft painfilled gasp drew his attention from thoughts of what could have been. It was then that he finally noticed the wet evidence of tears on her cheeks. He knew she'd be upset for a time, but he hadn't thought she'd still be hurting this much. She was thinner than she used to be, her beautiful blue-green eyes didn't shine with merriment like they used to, and she was here alone in a dark nook in the library crying. His soul reached out for her and the throbbing ache in his chest tightened and amplified tenfold. For he knew it was all because of him.

"Ma vhenan," he whispered brokenly. Tentatively he took a step towards her. They had both done a good job avoiding each other in the days since he had left her. Never a lingering look, touch, or word had passed between them. He had no idea on how his presence would be perceived now but he wanted desperately to comfort her. "Ma vhenan, garas quenathra?"

She heard him then and immediately jumped from her chair to face him. "Solas!?" She gasped; her cheeks turned crimson at being caught by him of all people. Her hands rose in a rush to her face as she tried unsuccessfully to hide the tears staining her cheeks. "I-I was just looking for a quiet place to think," she stammered.

"Ma harel lasa," he scolded gently. He knew she left out the reason she needed to think, the reason she wasn't asleep like everyone else at Skyhold, the reason she chose the library of all places to hide with her thoughts. He had no right to ask her to share anything with him let alone her private thoughts and emotions. Yet, he asked anyway. He wanted her to be happy even though he knew he couldn't be the one to make her happy. He knew he had committed himself to bring back his people- to fixing the mistake he had made so long ago- yet, a piece of him wanted nothing more than to stay with her. It was his halam'shivanas. _She_ was his halam'shivanas.

With a sigh so filled with unkempt emotion it seemed to nearly choke her, she bore into him. Her eyes, red-rimmed and puffy, asking so many questions he wished he could answer. "What would you have me say, Solas?" What did he want her to say? That she was okay with everything he had put her through? That she was here alone and crying for some reason not having to do with him? That she was happy being his friend even though he'd still have to leave as soon as they defeated Corypheus to continue with the mission that had begun everything?

"I would have you tell me the truth about why you cry," he answered. Her eyes opened wider at his inquiry filling with tears yet unshed. He could no longer hold himself back from comforting her. He stretched his long arm to cup her narrow cheek with his slender fingers. He wanted nothing more than to pull her into his arms and tell her he was a sorry fool for leaving her. To tell her that he would happily go back to her if she would have him. But these were hopeless theneras, dreams and wishes that he couldn't have. He had come too far in his plan to turn back now, even if it meant his heart would once again be whole- the way it was when he had been hers.

She leaned her head into his hand, giving in to the little piece of comfort he was offering. "Oh Solas," she choked, "why do you think? I have lost ma vhenas." Her breath caught in her throat as she looked at him with her pleading eyes, "Mana. Ma halani…."

Her words hit him as if she'd driven one of her sharp daggers into his heart. With little thought of anything but easing the pain and suffering in her voice and words, he pulled her into him. The hand that had been cupping her cheek now softly stroked her hair, the other rested firmly on the small of her back holding her to him- holding himself together. Her body molded to his as if it had never been separated from him; bringing him a sense of peace and comfort he had forgotten he could feel since he had broken their hearts. He hunched his shoulders over her as if to protect her. But how could he protect her from _his_ words? _His_ actions? He knew nothing more than her cry for help had touched places in his soul he tried desperately to lock away.

"No," he murmured his voice cracking, "Ar lath ma always, vhenan. Ar lasa mala revas." His heartfelt as if it were shattering all over again in his chest. He could not continue to do this. He would have to leave as soon as he was able or abandon his mission altogether. For he could not continue breaking himself this way. Like he had once begun to tell her, losing her would be the end of him. And it felt like he would break now just as it had in the forest. She was his vhenan, his heart, and he could not bear to break her anymore. Her life and suffering were all he cared about now. She needed to be free. Free of him, free of his mistakes, free of the destruction he seemed to bring to everything around him.

"NO!" she cried out, "please Solas, vhenan, don't" She pressed her face into his chest, inhaling the cool earthy scent of him. Her grip around his waist tightened as if that could keep him from leaving her alone again. He felt her tears hot and wet soak through his thin shirt and fall right into his heart.

"Ir abelas, ma vhenan," he whispered brokenly. What more could he do but apologize for the pain he caused her? The pain he would always cause her. His grey eyes filled with tears and his face twisted in agony. He pressed his nose into her hair, breathing in the wonderful scent of flowers and warmth that was her as she had done to him only moments before. He used both arms to crush her tightly to him, afraid that if he let her go now, he would fall apart. It was there holding her tightly to him, inhaling her unique smell, feeling the hot tears flow from her eyes that he finally let the tears he had been holding onto for so long fall. He cried for the injustice of it all. Why had he found his love when it was too late to do anything but cause them misery? He cried for the pain he was putting Ellana in. He cried for the mistakes he had made in the past and the ones he seemed to keep making now. And he cried because his soul was breaking as well as his heart.

They stood like that for what seemed an eternity, both trying to comfort the other while inevitably causing more pain to themselves. Both afraid that if they let go of each other now they would never find a way to feel whole again. Both wanting things to go back to the way they had been before; yet knowing they could never be that way again. That their pain and heartbreak were inevitable. When their tears subsided and their breathing calmed, they drew apart only enough to gaze at each other fully.

"Solas, if you never intended to stay with me, why be with me at all?" she asked the question he knew she always would one day. She deserved an answer. Surely an answer would ease her suffering at least a little. But he didn't want her to know of the terrible being he was. The one her people marked Betrayer and called Dread Wolf. Better she knows him a selfish man than a foolish man so full of pride and arrogance he would lock his world away only to tear another world apart attempting to fix it centuries later.

"Because I am a selfish man, Lethallan," he answered halfheartedly. Her lips curled downward, and he knew she would not accept this answer. She had always seen him for more than he was. She saw a kind man full of stories and wisdom when really, he was just the most foolish being in elven history. With a heavy heart, he gave in as much as he could. "Because it wasn't supposed to happen this way," he cried, "I wasn't supposed to fall in love with you or you with me, but we did. Then I tried pushing you away from my thoughts, from me. But you were always there smiling, laughing, silently begging me with your very being to join my heart with yours. I thought that maybe our goals were similar enough that maybe, just maybe, I could love you without hurting you. But I was wrong. Oh Ellana, vhenan, I was so wrong. Now, look at what I have done." He hung his head in shame for yet another mess he had caused. He waited trembling to hear her scorn him, to see him for the monster he was and turn away from him. It would be nothing less than what he deserved. Yet, those things never came. He heard her soft exhale of breath and felt her small marked hand gently guide his chin up so that his eyes were level with hers.

"In another world?" she repeated the words he had spoken to her in that glen without hatred or scorn. Instead, she asked them as a question. Would he love her in another world? In a world where he wasn't Fen'Harel, the Dread Wolf. He gazed at her as she yet again proved that he could never understand fully that marvelousness of her spirit. She held her head high and acceptance lit her eyes with a beauty he had never known she had.

"In another world, ma vhenan," he answered. He shivered as her hand trailed along his jaw to cup his cheek as he had done for her before. This – this is what he needed. He needed _her_. One day, when his mistake was corrected, and their souls had moved to another world he would find her there. And he would never let her go again.

"Then let us pretend its another world for just a little while longer? Sa'vunin?" she suggested gently. She pulled his head towards her, kissing him fully on the lips before he could object. He let her lips guide him, let her heart guide him towards the answer he knew he wanted to give.

"Ma nuvenin," he agreed eagerly before crushing her to him once again. He growled lowly, possessively deep in his throat and kissed her in earnest. Why not give in for just a little longer? Why not for a short time more just be Solas, a man very much in love with a woman? Why not be whole for as long as he could? _"Ir tel'him,"_ he thought. He would be Solas -be himself- just a little while longer. For a little while longer he would leave behind Fen'Harel and be what he truly was – the wolf that fell in love with the halla.

_**Vallaslin - Blood writing; The art of tattooing adopted by some elves to more prominently display their worship of the traditional elven pantheon**_

_**Ma Vhenan - My heart; sometimes shortened simply to vhenan, "heart"; a term of endearment**_

_**Garas Quenathra – "Why are you here?"**_

_**Ma Harel Lasa – You lie to me**_

_**Halam'shivanas – The sacrifice of duty**_

_**Theneras – Dreams**_

_**Ma Vhenas – My Home**_

_**Mana. Ma Halani – Help me**_

_**Ar Lath Ma – I love you**_

_**Ar Lasa Mala Revas – "You are free." More literally "I give you your freedom."**_

_**Ir Abelas – "I am sorry." More literally "I am filled with sorrow for your loss."**_

_**Lethallan – Casual reference used for someone with whom one is familiar; generally, lethallin is used for males while lethallan is used for females**_

_**Sa'vunin – One more day**_

_**Ma nuvenin – As you say**_

_**Ir Tel'him – I am me again**_


End file.
